Self Destructive
by Anniepopokios
Summary: "You have to leave," but he's pulling him closer, and the cold metal stings his bare arms, "you have to go." Because they're coming. Because his entire world is about to be taken from him. Loki and Tony attempt vainly to fight back when Thanos finally comes back to collect his prize. FrostIron
1. Chapter 1

**_This scene has been stuck in my head for so long, I had to write it down. Basically this scene takes place after the general idea of Tony rescuing Loki and them developing a relationship. The entire time knowing very well that someday the Chitauri are going to come looking for him. Well aware that nothing lasts forever._**

_So if you're gonna' stay, then how long would you wait for me before your love begins to fade?  
I wish that part of me believed that I'm gonna' come home someday.  
Is there purpose without meaning?  
Is there a life that's worth living?  
Is there a chance to change things or have we really ruined everything?_

_-The chase scene,Outline in color  
_

_Chapter One-Purpose  
_

It's so cold.

That's the first thing his body registers. The first thing that really sinks in. The world around him is crying a waterfall so thick, it's engulfing him. Chilling him to the core, sucking the life from his bones.

He's screaming above the rain. He know's his crying too, and the words in his mouth are burning. They hurt, more than any physical pain every could. More than they should.

But that's the thing about love.

It embeds itself into the senses, rotting them to the core. Driving his mind crazy, making him act so foolishly human and weak. Exposing everything about him he hated, everything he struggled to keep beneath the surface.

It was all flowing over now.

But there's warmth around him, in the arms that are holding him close. The strong arms that have kept him safe for far too long. That had always been avoiding the inevitable.

Foolish.

Love was so horribly foolish.

"You have to leave," but he's pulling him closer, and the cold metal stings his bare arms, "you have to go." Because they're coming.

He can almost hear it in the distance.

Death. Creeping towards him. The grim reaper come to finally collect his prize.

"You're silly," That warmth in his voice is all but destroyed by the chilling rain, "Someone's got to stay and protect you." He looked up, into those dark, chocolate colored eyes and knew he was right.

They were looking into each other's eyes, because both knew what was coming. Both knew this was the end. But neither one of them really, truly knew what to do about it. Neither one wanted to admit that everything was drawing so quickly to a close. But with each passing second, their time became even more precious.

So he acted. Because he was not human. Because he could throw away his emotions for a moment, and act like the god he was created to be. One of mischief and cunning.

"I...have something I need to tell you," he whispered the words so quietly, because he could feel his heart beat quickening in his chest. He could feel the pain there, the pain of what he knew he had to do.

Tony could not beat the Chitauri. He knew he wanted to, and knew he thought he could. But that was a long way from being strong enough to stand up against them. Sure, the two of them together could probably put up a decent fight. Die honorably. Die for something.

But he didn't want that. Because he was looking up into those eyes, and he didn't want them to lose that warmth. It was at that moment that he knew what he must do.

Suddenly the world felt so much colder.

He took a step back, releasing himself from the protection of his arms. Stepping back, boots splashing the rain around his feet.

"You have to leave. You can't protect me here." His eyes grew so dark, his heart felt black. He glared at him, with more anger than he ever thought he could muster. More than enough to get him his way.

"I dont..." he stopped, because Tony had an odd look on his face. He looked completely confused. He took a step forward, his hand reaching out, and immediately Loki took a couple more steps back.

"No get away." He prayed he couldn't see him crying through all the rain streaming down his pale face. But his voice was shaking. His whole body felt like it was breaking. That was the trouble with love. It made him feel this way. Those human emotions had done this too him.

They made him feel like he was dying from the inside out.

"I don't love you! It was just a hoax!" the words came out in a trembling cry, "I used you. I used you for protection and you fell for it." He tried to laugh, because he knew he needed to. He needed to be cold and cruel. But he was crying so much now.

Tony didn't move.

He just stared at him, frozen to his spot. The look on his face made him feel like his heart was breaking all over again.

But he had to do this. Because Tony would die. They both would. He had to save one of them. He'd done nothing with his life. He'd failed everyone, fallen short at everything. But he would not fail here. This was too important.

"You're so stupid. You actually believed that I, a god, would fall for someone so petty and vain? You were only there to keep Thanos at bay. Because I knew you'd be stupid enough to fall for me. Who wouldn't." No one else would. He'd never understand why this one had. On the inside he'd been cold for so long, this person had brought him warmth and light. And here he was, yelling at him, crushing him.

Breaking his heart as well. _He was a horrible person._

"So leave. Because I don't want you here. Because you're useless to me now."

Tony said nothing.

Instead he turned his back.

And it hurt him so badly. He felt like his heart had been stabbed, and his body felt so sick. He hated this feeling. It was worse than anything he'd felt before. Like being tortured a million times over again.

Because his whole world was walking away.

And he was never coming back.

He would die alone.

Then Tony was gone, and he could hear the Chitauri crashing through the plain in the distance. His heart started racing. This was how it needed to be. They were attacking Asgard. They were rebelling against the gods. And the horrifying part was how powerful they truly were.

But they wanted him.

And if he let them kill him, it might just be enough to leave the rest alone. To save Midgard and Asgard as well. To stop all this destruction. Living was selfish. If he lived he killed thousands. Loving was useless too, because if he loved he'd kill the only person he truly cared for.

But that didn't mean he wasn't afraid. Because the moment he heard Thanos yelling for him in the distance he was running.

His feet pulled through the mud, driving him forward, through the onset of rain.

Because deep down inside he did not want to die.

"Tony!" He screamed, because he was so afraid. Because he couldn't escape what was catching up on him, and he craved comfort, "TONY!"

He was gone. Really, truly gone.

He opened his mouth for one more desperate scream. To beg and plead with the world. For that one thing that made him feel like he could get through anything.

But he was silenced but the cold feeling of Thanos's fingers curling around his throat. Digging into his skin, drawing blood.

Silencing his cry.

Denying him his only salvation.

"Been missing you," His feet were no longer on the ground, but all he could think about, was the lack of air. His lungs felt like they were going to explode. His arms immediately reached towards the hand that was grasping him, threatening to crush the bones beneath it. He struggled vainly to escape his grasp. Thanos laughed cruelly.

"You're not getting away this time." Then he felt something sharp slam against his face, drawing deep cuts across his face. He tried to desperately to escape. But his magic was weak and useless.

His body couldn't draw forth the strength to free himself.

"I'm going to enjoy hearing you beg for me." That voice was so cold. But he could find solace in the fact that Tony was safe. That he was on his way back to Midgard. Back to people who cared for him. He'd be safe.

Then the fingers around his throat were gone, and he felt his lungs gasping for air, making him feel sick. He crumbled to the ground, choking. Desperately trying to draw in air. But he flinched as Thanos slammed his boot into his back, kicking him into the mud.

He looked up at him, crimson mixing with the rain trickling down his cheeks, his entire body trembling. But his eyes were not broken. He looked at him with pride. Because he'd accomplished what he really cared about. Because he could die here with a tiny shred of satisfaction.

"Don't you fucking look at me like that!" The boot again. This time to his face. This time pushing his face into the mud.

But it was all right, he told himself.

Then suddenly the group of Chitauri around him became wildly alert. and he could hear them yelling something to Thanos. Something he couldn't hear above the pouring rain.

But then he saw a flash of blue light, cutting through the rain. And immediately one of the soldiers at Thanos's side was cut down the middle. He crumbled to the ground in a pile of smouldered flesh.

His heart sank.

The god of mischief had failed yet again.

-xox-

He was running. Pushing his way through the rain, past the massive army of Chitauri forming around their leader. Cutting his way through their muscular bodies, forcing a path.

Because they were the only thing standing between what he had to save.

What he'd been fighting to save for what felt like forever.

But his heart felt like it was going to explode. And his weapons weren't enough. He knew what he was doing. Running his body right into it's grave. The mud beneath him would become his burial.

He knew that.

But that look of complete and utter fear on Loki's face was enough to draw him forward. because he couldn't abandon him. No matter what he had said. Because he had figured out pretty quickly what his plan was. And why he'd said such horrible things to him.

**Shit shit shit shit shit.**

There were so many of them**  
**

His arms grabbed the face of one of the Chitauri in his way, and a light of red and blue burst from the skull beneath his fingers. Bones shattered in it's wake, leaving nothing but ashes and blood to sink into the mud beneath him.

"Thanos!" his voice thundered in his ears, "Let him go!" He knew what he was doing. He knew he couldn't win. But his body didn't care. He wasn't listening to the voice inside his head anymore. He was forcing himself, against his instincts, to preserve the only form of life that kept him living.

He looked down, at the figure a few feet away from him. But it felt like miles, because he could feel creatures grabbing at his arms, and he tried so desperately to fight against them. His body was screaming, and his throat was on fire.

But beneath the mud and the blood, he could see those cold green eyes, looking up at him. Terrified. Begging him for help.

And he stopped screaming for a moment, because all he wanted to do was rid them of that tormented look. To take all that fear and pain away.

"It's going to be fine," he told him, or maybe he was telling himself, "you're going to-"

A blow to the stomach knocked the words from his mouth. His armor protected him from receiving any real injuries. But his knees buckled from the impact of the blow, and he could feel himself sinking to the ground.

There were Chitauri everywhere, ripping at his suit, trying to reach his flesh. Trying to destroy him. They over powered him so easily.

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't reach him.

He could see his hand reaching out to him, trembling in the mud, begging for comfort.

Then Thanos pulled something out from the heavily embellished belt around his waist. It appeared to be a black, pronged spear-like weapon. But the moment he pulled it completely out of it's sheath it began to glow a vicious light blue. He could practically feel it's energy, much like the one from the Tesseract he'd fought so hard to destroy.

"Say goodbye to your little slut, Man of Iron." His eyes followed the spear as Thanos raised it above his head, his muscles tensing as his hands wrapped tightly around the glowing metal.

His body lurched forward, but he was met with a strong resistance, one that pulled against him, keeping him down. He writhed in the mud, trying so desperately to escape their grasp.

He swore his heart stopped beating as he watched the spear begin to fall.

**The lyrics are from a song I really love, and I feel like it suits them. Anyways please review if you liked it! sorry about the horrible cliff hanger haha**


	2. Chapter 2

__**Sorry this took so long. Work and school are killing me. Never take Human anatomy and Zooloy in the same semester. It will destroy you. Anyways. thanks for your reviews and support! I'll try not to disappoint. **

_We must keep breathing, you must stay moving._

_We are not an army of wolves led by a sheep._

_I won't let you down, nothing will break us,_

_With songs of heroes and traitors, nothing will break us._

_-xox-  
_

_He wakes up crying. His body jolts foreward, drenched in sweat. The arms that have pushed him upright are shaking and his eyes are wide. _

_His dreams haunt him every night. Filled with images of being in the hands of Thanos and the Chitauri...being their tortured prisoner. Paying for the huge failer he had cost them. It's enough to keep him from ever wanting to sleep again. He can almost feel those cold, dark eyes, looking down at him, filled with ill intent. More than ready to tear his very flesh from his bones._

_The body beside him shifts, and he frowns as he realizes he's probably woken up Tony. He stirs in his sleep for a moment, but doesn't seem to be awake. He relaxes a little bit, and tries to slowly lift the covers off of his body. Because there is no way he is going back to sleep now. He stops as Tony mumbles something in his sleep._

_He doesn't want him to know._

_Doesn't want him to know that he is so weak that he can not sleep anymore. Becuase he can control every mind in the world except his own. So he moves his legs up ever so slowly, and manuevers his way out of the thick, white sheets. Then he moves and places his feet on the floor, convicning himself that he'll be fine when he gets some air. _

_He steps lightly, trying to reach the door. Becuase once he slips out of the room he knows he'll be fine, because Tony will never wake up. He'll never know. He'll go downstairs and watch tv or something...something stupid to get his mind off of the Chitauri. But just as he'd reaching the door he accepts defeat._

_Because he trips over something on the ground and goes crashing to the floor. For a moment he just lays there, and he can hear Tony awakening. He groans as he sits up, looking back and realizing that he tripped over a shirt in the dark. He glares in it's direction._

_It seems to take Tony a moment to realize that he has not left the room, because a sad look creeps over his face the moment he realizes the spot next to him is empty. He jerks up, and pushes the covers off himself madly. Loki stands up quickly, alarmed._

_Then Tony turns and their eyes meet. He glares at him darkly._

_"Leaving?"_

_It's one simple word. But it's enough to make him feel guilty._

_"No no," he decides to give up, and get back in to bed. Becuase there's no way he'd going anywhere now, "I didn't mean to wake you."_

_He crawls back on to the bed and pulls the covers back over him, laying down so that his back is facing Tony. So he doesn't to see how pale and sickly his face is._

_"Do I snore or something?" Classic stark. Trying to make a joke out of everything. But it's dry humour. Annoying at the moment. Loki lets out a sigh._

_"No, go to bed." Because I really don't want to talk about this and you're probably annoyed with me anyways. Because I overthink everything and have no idea how to explain to you that I'm weak and scared of practically everything._

_Much to his surprise Tony does not ask questions. He doesn't argue, instead he just lays back down and wraps his arms around him, pulling him close. He doesn't object, because his body is still shaking. Because he's still so afraid._

_But Tony's arms are strong and warm, and he knows that he is safe here. So he lets his eyes close, and trusts himself enough to let sleep overtake him again. His body relaxes and he realizes how tired he really is._

_"You're not getting away again," tony says playfully and he smiles a little bit._

_"Goodnight..."_

-xox-

He was really going to die.

The notion sunk in so quickly, it was drowing him. For a moment his powers seemed to slip him. All of his strength felt drained from his body. It was ironically sad, that everything he had worked so hard to defend was being stolen from him so easily. That his body was letting it be taken from him.

He had never pictured the end like this.

No matter how many times he'd dealt with the Chitauri. He had never actually imagined falling to them. Never imgained losing the game so terribly. He was a god after all, he should have been on a higher playing field. But now he was here, his face being pushed into the mud. Begging to a mortal for help.

No this was not at all how he pictured dying.

Tony was yelling something at him. He could see his lips moving, but the commotion around them drowned out all words. And suddenly his body felt so angry. He watched the Chitauri swarming around what was supposed to be his. The only person he really, truly had left in his world.

And it enraged him.

Rage burned in his veins. He didn't want to lose the game, not this easily at least. Earlier he had been struck with grief, willing to give up his life in order to protect Tony. But now he was here with him, his life still hanging in the balance. Now he was going to have to come up with a new plan.

He acted instantly.

Thanos drove his weapon down, towards his neck. But instead of meeting it's target it dug into the mud. Loki vanished in front of him. Thanos growled viciously, his eyes darting agnerily through the rain. From a moment everyone stopped moving. Tony could feel the tension aginast him fading as the Chitauri quickly became aware that their target had elluded them.

Thunder boomed somewhere in the distance.

"Playing games are we?" Thanos yelled above the rain, "why don't you come out and face me then." But he spoke to only darkness. For a moment Tony feared Loki was gone. Part of himself wouldn't have blamed him for that. Part of him wanted it actually, because then at least one of them would be safe. Judging from the massive amount of soldiers Thanos had with him, it was highly unlikely they would both make it out of his alive.

The moment Loki appeared out of the thick sheet of rain the Chitauri's attention had shifted enough for Tony to break away from them. Immedaitely he instructed the blaster's in his hands to fire at the monsterous creatures surrounding him. They screeched and turned back on him immediately. He frowned, and prepared to fight.

"I planned on nothing else." Loki appeared between Tony and Thanos. His goal had not changed. Protect Stark first, worry about yourself latter.

After all, he was a god. He could heal from whatever wounds they inflicted upon him. Tony would not be so lucky. So he turned on his heels, and grasped one of the daggers beneath his belt in his hand. He hurled it at the Chitauri closest to Tony, and it landed in the back of it's head, instantly ending it's life.

He allowed himself to calm down for a moment. Because he was realizing very quickly that he did have the strength to put up a decent fight. And that was what he inteded to do.

But he felt their eyes upon him, and soon they were approaching him. Charging towards him in the mud. But he did not allow himself to be afraid. He knew he had to be strong if he expected to escape this alive. How he planned to escape was not important. The only thing he could think of killing everything in his path, and grabbed Tony fast enough so that they could run.

Run away from their imminent death.

But he should have known Thanos would never allow that. Should have known he'd come here for an ending.

Because while the Chitauir were swarming him, kicking and tearing at his flesh, Thanos did not approach him. And if he had not have been so occupied with the group who were almost overpowering him, he would have realized why.

Because Thanos had saw through his plan. He had pushed past him, and was approaching Tony.

Tony, who had his back turned to him, as he attempted to blast through the Chitauri around him.

The sight made his heart beat explode in his chest, and he forced himself through the on slot of Chitauri soldiers. His mind was racing, and he opened his mouth to scream warning.

Too late.

He failed again.

The realization of it pierced through his heart likea bullet.

He watched in horror as the weapon grasped in the Chitauri's hands sunk into his lover's back. He saw Tony try to turn around, and the realization in his eyes as his body became overcome with pain.

The spear's head cut through his suit so easily, as though it was paperthin. Loki's feet were moving, but he didn't feel like he was getting any closer. He suddenly felt so sick, because everything was going wrong.

Because this felt worse than death itself.

He'd been stupid enough to let himself believe that for a moment they could both make it out of here alive. Foolish enough to believe that he had a chance for happiness in his future.

Because now he was screamingat the top of his lungs and rushing to the aide of the only thing he cared for. He pushed past Thanos, or maybe he moved aside. It didn't matter.

Appraoching him had been the wrong idea. Because when he was close enough to really see the damage he swore his heart beat failed. Sore he'd died inside.

The spear had went straight through his back, puncturing through his body and it's tip had piercing through his arc reactor core. The blue light flicked on and off through shattered glass. The world was truely cruel to him. Because it had just robbed him of any hope that they could survive this.

Tony crumbled to his knees and they both fell down into the mud. He struggled vainly to lift him up, to keep him from sinking into the black around them. He clung to his body, feeling his hot blood pouring down his body, seeping through the cracks in his suit.

He opened his mouth but there were no words.

There were tears burning in his eyes, and his body was shaking violently. Tony's eyes met his, alive with pain. He groaned as Thanos pulled the weapon from his body, and allowed his body to fall into the mud. Loki held him so that he fell on his back. He leaned over him, as if to shelter him from the pouring rain.

As if it would do him any good.

He leaned over him and watched in horror as the red bubbled up in his throat and spilled out the slides of his mouth. And suddenly he was reminded of how compeltely weak he was against Thanos. Because even wth all his powers, he hadn't been able to protect what was most important to him.

"Don't go dying on me," He whimpered to him, trying to make a joke out of it. Trying to smile. Because he didn't want the last thing Tony saw to be him looking miserable and broken, "I told you to leave..." but he coudln't control the tears. What use was his magic, if he couldn't stop the sick feeling in his stomach? The tears made his eyes hurt, and he felt like he couldn't breathe.

What was the point of all of his power and strength...if this was the outcome? He would never be good enough.

Never.

He brought his trembling hand up, to wipe the blood from his mouth. But it only smeared across his face.

"You never listen," he scolded him and tried to put on a strong persona, but on the inside he was breaking, "you're so...stubborn." He was loosing so much blood...far too much.

Tony's lips curled into a sad, weak smile. But his skin was growing pale, Loki could see the life draining from him, flowing out with all the blood.

"I'm sorry," he told him weakly and his eyes began to close. God no.

No!

He was losing everything. It was dying right in front of him and there was nothing he could do. Never before had he felt this helpless. His hands curled up into fists on top of Tony's bleeding chest, and his body became overwhelmed with sobs. He was shaking, because he couldn't let Tony fade away.

But he realized far too late that he had let his guard down.

He felt Thanos's boot slam into the side of his face. The impact sent his body into the mud. He landed on his side, his head swimming in pain. His ears riging loudly. His vision began to blur and he felt his body growing cold. Try as he might, nothing seemed to want to move anymore.

the blackness threatened to overtake him.

The last thing he saw, was Thanos stepping between him and the body of the person who had become his world. He whimpered pathetically, and tried to reach out to him.

But instead the black swallowed him.

-xox-

Aren't cliff hangers fun? just kidding. Please review if you can! thank you for reading! More soon!


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